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Going Alone


This post was written by my dear friend Jaclyn that I met while attending college. Over the past few years of knowing Jaclyn and admiring the way she rattles off geology facts, I also developed an admiration for the daring life that she lives. Among all her greatest qualities, she is also the only female I know personally who goes out backpacking by herself to National Parks all across the nation.


I started backpacking in 2013 with the help of a great friend, Matt. I wasn’t even much of a hiker before I got into backpacking, but after talking with Matt about his trips, I knew it was what I wanted to do-- one of those instinctual urges that made me say “yes” without even thinking through the slightest details. I called up my dad to see if he had any gear from his time living in Alaska.  An extremely heavy, large, sub zero sleeping bag and a 80’s male backpack later, I was ready to set off with Matt on my first backpacking trip in North Cascades National Park.

I didn’t have proper boots or gear but I had the essentials to get me going to Pumpkin Mountain.  We arrived at the lake, set up camp, went for a swim, made a fire, and stargazed. My first night in the tent I asked Matt countless times: “Did you hear that?”, “What’s that noise?”, “Okay, are you SURE you didn’t hear that?!” Matt always said in a reassuring voice, “It’s just forest noises.” On the hike out the next day, as we were nearing the car, Matt told me I was good at backpacking.  How did he know? He said I didn’t complain once!

I was hooked. Since the trip to Pumpkin Mountain I have backpacked over 1000 miles and visited 27 National Parks. I slowly invested in better gear, starting with a sleeping that didn’t weigh 7lbs and make me sweat at night. (I opted for the Marmot Trestles which I still use to this day in case you were wondering. #notanad) That fear of restlessness at night, worrying about every noise, slowly faded and now I actually get a good night's rest. After a couple times backpacking with Matt, I eventually went out solo. Many of my friends expressed interest in backpacking but wouldn’t actually come through with investing in gear to be able to go. I didn’t want to wait so I went out on my own. About 90% of the trips I’ve made have been solo. 

On my first trip to the desert, I had to face and overcome my biggest fear: spiders. Right off the trailhead in Canyonlands NP I came across a deadly spider…well it’s not validated, but in my heart it was a deadly one and I wasn’t sticking around to get a photo. I had to assess my risk at that moment. Yes, there are black widows and other highly venomous spiders out here, and I risk getting bit, so is it worth it? After several deep breaths I trekked on and had the most incredible time. I fell in love with desert hiking!

There got to be a point where I got so comfortable (and cocky) with backpacking that I would throw together my pack and gear so quickly.  This was an issue when I realized on a trip I didn’t have a headlamp or water purifier. I’ve learned to slow down my packing, always double check my gear and have a physical checklist of the 10 essentials.

On a trip to Black Canyon of the Gunnison NP, I developed symptoms of heat exhaustion; dizziness, mentally impaired, rapid heart rate, and dry skin. I was so thankful I took a photo of the symptoms and treatment on my phone and I was able to self-assess and triage. There was no one else at the river for me to ask for help and no cell service, so I started to panic and worry. As thirsty as I was, I couldn’t chug water (only slowly sip) and I needed to lower my core body temperature. I stripped naked and got in the Gunnison river. I stayed in for about 4 minutes in the cold Rocky Mountain water then I got out and remained in the shade. I continued to slowly sip and noticed major improvements in my health. After a while resting in the shade I felt like I had recovered.

Click to enlarge photo and see the camp set up

I hiked out the Gunnison River the next day and had my first bear encounter with a gangly black bear cub. I wasn’t scared of the cub, but immediately worried where the mom was. The bear looked at me for a moment, then moved on across the trail. I hiked on and never saw mama! Once I finished my hike out, I returned to the Ranger Station and I shared my experience with the Rangers. I expressed how thankful I was that someone posted the sign of heat stroke and exhaustion symptoms, that sign probably saved my life. 

One of the longest, hardest, and most rewarding trips I’ve completed is the Wonderland Trail, a 93 mile loop around Mt. Rainier with 22k feet of elevation gain. My friend Ana and I did this in 2015, making it an insense trip for only two prior seasons of backpacking.  We had to get permits for this trail about a year in advance and needed to cache food halfway around the mountain. Based on our schedules, we received permits for June, so we expected some snow, but to our advantage the prior winter had a relatively low snowpack so it melted off early.  By the time we started the hike, the wildflowers were in full bloom and we had clear blue skies everyday. We did the loop in 8 nights to accommodate slow hiking and swimming in lots of lakes! After the first two days hiking, I doubted my ability to complete such a long and strenuous trail. The feeling of accomplishment when we completed the loop and reached the car is one of my proudest moments to date.

It’s hard to put words to the way backpacking makes me feel, but this quote by Jack London holds dear to my heart:

“There is an ecstasy that marks the summit of life, and beyond which life cannot rise. And such is the paradox of living, this ecstasy comes when one is most alive, and it comes as a complete forgetfulness that one is alive.”

I feel this ecstasy when I am bathing in alpine lakes, witnessing a beautiful desert sunset paint the sky, listening to the rain pelting against the tent, smelling sweet wildflowers, seeing a mountain ignite with alpenglow, feeling the tall grass of the plains swaying in my fingertips, hearing the thundering of glaciers cracking, or laying under infinite stars. This is when I am with God.